I had
been taking part in a seance, or rather a ouija
board group, and as a consequence was very tired.
Three of us, Kevin, Vicki and myself, decided
that we'd go up to her room two floors up and
smoke some hash. This we did and at first it
just seemed like normal. However after a few
minutes, I began to get even more cut off from
the others than usual and to experience very
strange sensations. These I thought were still
just part of the drug experience. The music
appeared in some sense most akin to sight, but
although having colours it was not a normal
sight at all. I had my eyes closed. I moved
from the chair I was sitting on to the floor
and sat there cross-legged for the rest of the
time.
(1) I began to move
through tunnels in my mind, very brightly coloured
and getting more and more real. There began
to be places, which appeared very, very clearly.
In more detail than if I had seen them real.
This kind of thing went on for about half an
hour - 12:00 to 12:30 - and then the transition
came.
(2) I was thinking
how high I was, in the sense that on looking
down my feet seemed a very long way away. This
I had experienced before but this time it was
much more vivid. Also the feeling of there being
a white wall behind me and through the centre
of me was much more pronounced than usual. As
I kept looking down, with my eyes shut most
of the time but occasionally opening, I suddenly
realized that I really was high up and looking
down on my own body. I think had it not been
for the drug, I would have been worried at this,
however it didn't worry me at all and I continued
to look at myself with interest but still just
enjoying the sensations.
I think at this
point I was at about ceiling level and gently
drifting about. My eyes were shut and remained
shut for most of the time. If I had opened them
the conflict would have been too great. I seem
to remember that I did open them at times, but
that nothing I saw made any sense, so I shut
them again. I wanted to tell the others about
what I was doing, but I was a little embarrassed
about what they would think of me interrupting
their conversation, which I could hear if I
listened. So I kept silent, or more or less
so. I kept looking around me and making slight
exclamations and looking terribly excited. I
could see only the room and then the outside
and the roofs, but I preferred to stay inside
the room.
(3) At this point
Vicki went out to make some coffee and Kevin
said to me "Where are you?" I still
didn't think it at all odd that I could be in
one place and yet still in control of the body
below and able to speak through it. It was almost
like watching a cinema screen and relating the
picture to someone who couldn't see it. I told
him where I was and from that time I kept on
talking, almost continuously, for the next three
hours. The fact that I was talking to Kevin
and that I was not alone gave me much more confidence
and I was able to go on from there and see more.
At all times I was fully aware of what my body
was doing, I was somehow quite able to conceive
of being in the two places at once, or rather
to be in one place but to still have the knowledge
and perception of the body in another.
(4) Soon after I had begun
talking I saw the cord. I looked down from where
I was and saw, apparently coming from where
my tummy should be, a cord. It was not really
any colour, but closest to a slightly shiny
grayish-white and it was bendy and slowly moving.
I had great fun with it because I decided to
try and move it. I reached out my hand but found
two things. Firstly, if I wanted a hand I could
have one, or as many as I liked. Secondly, it
wasn't necessary to have a hand, I could move
the cord at will, and had great fun doing it
too. I was quite consciously talking all this
time but very fast, as I wanted to say so much
and tell them every thing I was doing.
I looked harder at the cord and the body
and saw that the cord entered my physical body
at the neck and there appeared to be no head
on the body. I seem to remember that it didn't
look very much like a normal body but then I
wasn't really interested in it so I didn't look
very carefully. I was more conscious of what
I was actually like. At this time I was still
more or less the shape of my body, or hadn't
yet discovered that I could be anything else.
I was made of the same kind of whitish moving
stuff that the cord was made of, but a little
more dense than the cord and, at this stage,
more solid and constant in shape.
(5) I then found that I was moving,
not really conscious of whether I was in control
or not. I moved up and out and saw below me
all the roofs of Oxford. I think I knew even
then that they weren't the roofs that I should
have seen were I really there, it seems now
that they were merely a symbolic representation
of how roofs in general should look, but to
me they represented the roofs of St. Hilda's.
On looking down, I could, if I wanted, look
through the roof and intervening floors to the
room from which I had started, but as I gained
confidence I became less reluctant to let go
of that sight and move away.
(6)
I became aware that I was moving away
fairly fast but it wasn't really clear where
I was going, nor did I have any conscious control
over it. I didn't even take much notice of where
I was going until I was suddenly aware that
I was somewhere in the vicinity of the Mediterranean.
I am not sure how I knew this but it seemed
quite obvious at the time. I saw below me an
island and I thought that it would be good to
go and have a look at it. As a consequence of
this thought, I found myself closing in on it.
All this time I was aware of the music that
my body could hear, and again it didn't at all
seem odd to me that I could listen to it, nor
did it seem at all difficult to concentrate
on so much at once. This could have been a result
of the drug as it does seem to make it possible
to see and hear so much more at one time than
is usual.
As I approached the island
I could see its shape, which was almost star
shaped with very sharp points, but the shape
seemed to be changing all the time and pulsating
with the music. I became even more excited and
tried to tell the others what I was seeing as
I got closer and closer. It was at this point
that I discovered what was to be of such importance
later on - that I could change shape at will.
So far I had been aware that I could produce
hands at will, but now I was able to lose my
bodily shape altogether and become any shape
I wanted. I stretched out over the island and
watched it changing shape. Then from being a
flat thin shape, I thought my way down in among
the trees. For the first time I got a little
scared as I thought the cord might get tangled
up and broken in the trees: however I soon found
that it could pass among or through the trees
with no difficulty whatever and that I wouldn't
have to worry about it at all. I was then again
a little scared because it was all dark and,
as I then described it, treacley, under the
trees. Feelings of pleasure and displeasure
were very exaggerated and the feeling of being
in that thick darkness was intense. However
as soon as I discovered that I could move up
again at will, I lost the fear and was enjoying
going into and out of trees. Another impression
I had of the island was that it had one hundred
trees. I was really excited by the funny idea
of there being exactly that number and kept
on talking about it.
(7) I
made my first conscious decision to go somewhere
else and left the island, but was still unable
either to control where I was going or to even
bother to try to go somewhere specific. Soon,
I saw that I was traveling over Europe. Again
I don't really know how I could tell where it
was, but I think in this case the outline from
a long way up was very like a map. I thought
I went over Italy, Switzerland and then France.
There I saw all the people working very, very
hard. I was too far up really to see them at
all, but I had a very distinct impression of
lots of people working and I felt terribly sorry
for them. I kept saying "Don't they realize
they don't have to work?" but at the same
time realizing myself that I would have to too,
and that I was only being permitted to see that
it was possible to live and move by thought
alone.
(8) I moved over
the sea and immediately wanted to go down to
it. I gradually got closer to the sea and to
the land too. I tried to get right down to the
water and had the rather pleasant experience
of being flat again and floating above the water
being lifted and buffeted by the waves. In this
uncomfortable way I came into a beach and after
some difficulty landed on to the sand and looked
around. Again I got a little scared because
I was down below very high cliffs and I couldn't
see how to get out. Of course as soon as I tried
I found that I didn't have to climb the rocky
cliffs but could just be at the top, with apparently
no motion, that is with instantaneous movement,
there being no time required for it. I continuously
kept trying to explain to Kevin and Vicki how
I could do it and saying things like "I'm
going to go up that cliff, oh, but I don't have
to get up it, I can just be there", "I'm
going to walk over there, oh, but I don't even
have to walk, I can go as fast as I like!"
etc. There seemed to be two kinds of movement
possible. If I wanted to move to somewhere quite
close and of which I had a good mental image,
I could be there instantaneously, or in short
hops. For longer distances, especially those
which I was not directing, I moved very high
up but apparently normally, and the speed was
more or less beyond my control.
(9)
I was still very close to the ground and all
the grass and plants were terribly clear, but
I decided that I'd try and get back to Oxford.
Whether this decision was prompted by fear,
interest or a desire to get back into my body,
I don't know. However I was soon back over Oxford
and managed to get into the vicinity of the
room. My body's eyes opened and Kevin said "Hello"
and I replied "Hello." "So you're
really here." "Yes, I'm really here.
Hello Vicki" and then "Goodbye."
I had found during this brief return to my body
that although I could easily see with my own
eyes, what I did see didn't really make much
sense. I had been able to get to a good position
in which the two visual fields corresponded
for only short periods of time and it required
a lot of effort.
(10) So,
having ascertained that my body was still accessible,
I again left, and this time consciously decided
that I'd like to go to somewhere that I had
in fact been to with my body, to see if it looked
the same. I chose New York for some reason,
and very quickly found myself there. All my
movements were becoming more deliberate and
much faster, even the unintentional movements
were now much faster than at the start. It was
sunny in New York and I moved, as a large, almost
ellipsoid shape over the buildings until I came
to the top of 5th Avenue. The thought of what
was below me made me shoot down to street level,
becoming much smaller. After a short second
looking at the cars and people, which I couldn't
see as clearly as I'd have expected, I got really
scared. This was the first time I had been really
afraid and it was some struggle before I was
able to think my way up the buildings and emerge
in space again. Between the tall buildings I
could move quite easily up and down. If I looked
down I would move up and vice-versa. Thus movement
at will was a combination of thinking myself
hard into the right place and also looking in
the right direction. This was really only so
for vertical movements. For horizontal movements,
as far as I can remember, I had to look in the
same direction I wanted to go in.
(11) After New York I had no clear
idea of where I wanted to go and I found myself
heading, ever faster, for South America. There
I amused myself in the childish pastime of using
the coastline as a giant slide. The curly bit
at the southern tip of the continent was the
end of it and from there I shot round the bend
and off up into the Atlantic. This was tremendously
exciting and I was laughing all the time and
telling them all about it. I wanted to do it
again and went back and did. Then I headed up
towards England again, and got back to Oxford
and the room my body was in.
(12)
This time I could not get into the body at all,
at least not in the usual sense, as I had almost
done before. I was only able to hang over it
and this time what I could see from this position
was very much clearer. I think possibly the
confidence I now had allowed me to see this
strange scene without either becoming afraid,
or not being able to comprehend it and so dropping
back in. I could see Vicki and Kevin very clearly,
and after looking at the room for some time
I got around to looking at myself . What I saw
was rather odd. The body was now very clear
but not much like me really. It was brownish
in colour, but I think I thought it was quite
normal at the time. I could very distinctly
see the cord, which was now very much thicker,
and more solid, but not proportionately to the
way it had been before. With interest I looked
at my body and, with no apparent effort, this
led to my going closer and closer to it. This
was, however, a very different feeling to that
of coming back into the body. This time I still
was very detached from it even though I was
so close, in distance, to it. I looked carefully
at the jagged edges around the neck, from where
the head had apparently been removed and seemed
to be like a fly landing gently on the edge.
From there it was no big step to move inside
and soon I found myself in the curious position
of being right inside my own body. It was all
varying shades of brown, a little greenish in
some places and shaded almost like a drawing.
I slowly wandered around inside looking at the
outside of the body, it appeared to have no
contents whatever, to be just a hollow shell.
I went down one of the legs, balanced on the
knee joint and then, as if under the influence
of gravity, whizzed down the leg into the foot,
like going down a slide. I began to be terribly
excited and made a lot of noise all this time.
The most exciting thing of all was being inside
the foot. There I could look into any one of
the openings made by the toes and see light
streaming in through the window-like toenails.
From one foot I scrambled up the leg and slid
all the way down to the middle and up the other
leg and down to the foot, all in one swoop.
(13) I think it was at this
time that I made so much noise that Vicki very
loudly had to tell me to be quiet. Her urgent
voice made the visual image of an elephant appear
low down and to the left of my visual field.
It disturbed me somewhat and I had a short struggle
with myself. I don't remember what I said or
felt in detail, but soon I found myself again
above my body a little above ceiling level I
think, and talking to Vicki. I told her to "Take
that body away." I said "I know you
don't like that body, why don't you send it
away, take it down to its own room, I can't
move it, you take it away." It was always
that body and not "my body" or "me".
I could almost see the dislike going across
from Vicki's body to mine as a sort of visible
repelling force. Needless to say she did not
move it and I lost the will to stay there and
try to persuade her to move it.
(14)
I simply found myself getting bigger.
This was rather a pleasant feeling and I actively
helped it along at some stages, As I got bigger
I obviously had to incorporate many things in
to the area of my body (not physical body!)
and the first things to go were Kevin and Vicki.
They became a part of my body, still separate
entities but within the space occupied by "me."
Then the whole of the room and the buildings
and, as I got still bigger, I began to sink
into the Earth. The part of me that was still
above the Earth felt quite as before but below
I felt slightly cold and a strange sensation
that I suppose felt like being in the same place
as Earth, that is being between closely packed
particles but still a coherent entity.
I became larger than the whole Earth quite
quickly and had the wonderful experience of
being able to look at the Earth from being all
round it. That is, I could see all sides of
it at once in spite of its being spherical.
This is obviously a little difficult to explain
but it was just a question of my whole consciousness
being around the Earth and so able to see all
parts of it with that consciousness. I didn't
stop there, I got bigger and bigger and incorporated
the moon. This was yet another strange experience,
having the Earth at my centre was not too hard
to understand, but having an object in a position
inside me that was not symmetrical was a little
harder to comprehend, at least I don't suppose
it was then, but it is harder to form a picture
of now. From there I expanded through the planets
of the whole solar system, I wasn't particularly
aware of where or which one they were. Then
came our whole galaxy and, as I was moving and
expanding faster and faster, I had soon enveloped
many other galaxies. I cannot remember at all
how many there were, or even what order of number,
but there were very many. With distance out
their density decreased and towards the outside
of the universe, as I presumed it to be, there
were very few with large distances between them
and so I went on expanding.
Finally I
reached what I took to be the limit of the universe,
however silly that sounds now! It is rather
hard to explain this edge. It was as if I was
traveling at the speed of light and could travel
no faster and so was static in the sense of
not accelerating. But in spite of moving at
that speed, I was getting no bigger, nor moving.
It seemed that nothing could possibly get outside
of where I was. If I reached out one of the "arms"
that I had been able to create at will, it simply
did not appear. It felt there all right, but
just could not be outside of that boundary.
The whole feeling of the situation was as if
it were a sphere in four dimensions, time having
somehow totally changed in concept. It seemed
to me to be a very sensible picture of the state
of the universe and I wasn't at all worried
about the implications of a universe expanding
at the speed of light and yet not getting any
bigger.
(15) Kevin had become
a little worried by this time and was talking
to me and asked me if I could see anything beyond
this end. I tried to see if I could. Obviously
there could be nothing actually outside that
boundary in spatial terms but I found I could
look into a whole new field of reference. I
would like to call it another dimension, but
it was more like a whole new set of dimensions,
possibly being reached, as it were, by going
along in one new dimension. What I can describe
now is not really a picture in three dimensions,
but that is the only way in which I can describe
it. It was like two white and very shining cliffs
above me with an opening between them which
seemed to lead up to a kind of sky, but not
the sort of sky that goes on forever, just sky.
It was a real struggle to get up those cliffs,
like fighting against something intangible,
almost like swimming against a current, always
achieving a little and then slipping back and
only just hanging on. I got a very, very brief
glimpse out of the top. What I "saw"
was again indescribable in three dimensional
terms, but was like either hundreds of eyes,
or one huge eye, staring at me from every direction
at once. Not that it seemed to take any notice
of me, it was just a static seeing thing all
around. Then I slipped back, Kevin was talking
to me all this time, trying to make me come
back again and he began to succeed. I genuinely
wanted to come back and began trying.
(16) I had every confidence
that I would in fact be able to come back to
my body easily if I so desired, and indeed for
a while it was quite easy, I had soon got back
into normal orders of size and from there into
the room, but there the struggle began. I tried
very hard to get down into my body but couldn't
get any nearer to it than about five or six
feet above it. The cord was there again. I don't
know what had happened to it before, but I presume
that as my body was within me I had no need
for any other form of attachment. Now, however,
the cord was even in the way. Kevin tried to
tell me to coil it up so that I could get nearer
but I scorned this idea. I had to struggle to
get some sense of time back. I had a sense of
a progression of events, but not of time being
a necessary part of continuous movement and
consequently I found I could not move properly.
I had to think my way down in very slow stages,
thinking myself at each step into a new position
with the cord just a little shorter each time
and myself a little closer to the body. After
some time I finally achieved the first stage,
I was no longer joined by a cord and separate,
but was more or less with my body. However all
I had achieved was some sort of overlap with
the body, I was not outside of it, but was still
moving about, totally unstable and just maintaining
contact by always overlapping at some point.
(17) I am not at all sure of
the separate times taken by each stage, but
this last part, of trying to get back, took
about 3/4 hour until I could finally control
my physical body again. I still had the desire
to get back, I think I realized the necessity
of it, although I am not really sure if I had
any better reason for coming back, it certainly
was lonely outside and possibly I wanted to
come back to people again. I kept on trying
and Kevin kept on encouraging me to come back
in.
As I got nearer I was able to open
my eyes and briefly saw what corresponded to
what I was actually looking at, but that didn't
last because, of course, I followed my thoughts,
and as I looked at the ceiling I shot off up
to the ceiling again and as I looked down at
the floor I found myself sinking into the floor.
As the two images ceased to make sense together
it was always the physical one which was forgone
and only my real self saw. I was still trying
very hard, and at times came close to being
inside my body, but even though I was getting
there sometimes I always went away again, quickly,
and it was getting no better. Kevin took my
hands and this did some good, until gradually
I became a little more stable. It all took so
long though that at last I began to give up.
I had got terribly tired with all the effort
and almost felt that I just wanted to float
away again, but with Kevin talking to me and
keeping my attention I managed to keep the desire
to come back and went on struggling. I got to
the state where I was fairly well inside and
although I was moving about a lot still, I could
more or less see with my eyes alone. I did still
move a little towards where I looked but could
control my position well enough to keep seeing
with my eyes.
(18) For the
first time since I began, one of the hardest
things to do was to understand that I was only
in one place. I told myself out loud, to try
to realize that I was only in that one place
and that Kevin and Vicki were separate. That
if I wanted to move anywhere I would have to
make some effort and take the body with me.
To look at the corners was a great problem because
I could not yet understand the three dimensions
and a corner presented more problems to my mind
than even trying to force myself to stay within
a ceiling and a floor had done. However, it
was accomplished, and I finally felt almost
at ease with the three-dimensional world and
the earthly concept of time.
(19)
It was then that I could look at my own body
with my own eyes. What I saw was a little different
from usual. I could still see the substance
of which I had been made before. It was more
or less in the right place but did not fit my
body at all well. On the other hand the same
part of Kevin was exactly the same shape as
his body and extended beyond it for about three
inches all around. He tried to persuade me to
let go of his hand and I tried. With our hands
about an inch apart I could see the two etheric
bodies joined and the greyish-white substance
was flowing very rapidly between the two hands.
I could still see it joined when they were about
three or even four inches apart but I didn't
dare let go completely even then. When I did
finally let go I felt fairly safe but still
very afraid that I would move on again. As I
moved away from Kevin and then back towards
him I realized that I could feel, but not see
another body. This was about 18 inches to 2
feet away from him and around Vicki it was about
one foot away. I felt all around it with my
hands, it seemed to me to feel very solid and
it was a very strange sensation to put my hand
through it, as I knew I could. Finally I practiced
walking about, and although I found it scaring
at first, I soon gained confidence and was rapidly
back to some kind of normality. Kevin thought
it might be dangerous for me to sleep and so
he kept me awake for a few more hours. At about
7 a.m. I did sleep a little, but found that
I couldn't get into proper sleep at all.
(20) I had thought that I was
back to normal by this time, but in fact it
took another two days to do it. During that
time I was able to walk around quite all right
and to appear reasonably normal to most people,
even to go to tutorials, but at any time I found
myself drifting up out of myself and I had little
power of concentration, and was therefore unable
to do any work. I could also go inside Kevin's
body more or less at will. At first it was hollow
as my own had been but as time went on it got
more solid. First the heart appeared, then all
internal organs and finally stringy muscles
and I was no longer able to do it.
On
Tuesday afternoon I found myself back to normal,
quite able to sleep properly and to think normally.
3. Contributor's
Comments on the Experience
This
experience changed my life and I have never
forgotten it. Reading my own account again,
for the first time in many years, was strange.
Somehow the words fail to convey how completely
real it all seemed at the time. The description
of the star-shaped island with one hundred trees
sounds fanciful and hallucinatory. Of course
I believe it was a hallucination, but the whole
long experience had a quality of unforgettable
hyper-reality. The visions and places were stable,
clear, and vivid, and I could inspect them at
leisure or move around them at will. Unlike
most drug-induced hallucinations these were
not unstable and fleeting; unlike dream images
they did not dissolve rapidly into something
else. They seemed as real and solid as any perceived
world.
Looking back there are a number
of things I would like to comment on.
4. The Context
In October 1970 I went up to Oxford to read
Physiology and Psychology. I joined many societies
and, among them, the Oxford University Society
for Psychical Research. As it turned out this
society had only one surviving member, Kevin,
who contacted me and asked me to run it with
him - which I did for the next three years -
possibly more because I liked him than because
of any deep prior interest in the subject. In
that first term we had frequent meetings, with
lectures by psychics, training in reading Tarot
cards, and long late-night ouija-board sessions
- often in my college bedroom. It was after
one of these, about a month later, that the
experience happened. I wrote the account a few
days afterwards while the memory was still fresh
and clear.
Several people have asked
whether I already knew about astral projection,
and in particular about silver cords. The answer
is that I did. By then I was becoming seriously
interested in psychic phenomena and had begun
some reading. I had heard of astral projection
and of some Theosophical ideas, although I did
not read most of the classics of astral projection
until many years later (I keep a record of all
the books I read). So it is possible that I
saw the cord because I knew that it was expected.
In a survey many years later I found that only
a few percent of OBErs see such a cord. It is
not known whether these people already knew
about silver cords before their experience.
When I came to write Beyond the Body in 1980-1981
I learned much more about the subject. I now
believe that most features of the OBE are explicable
in terms of changes in the model of self and
perceptual viewpoint, but the silver cord remains
unexplained.
5. My Reaction at
the Time
As I recall, the experience
was quite out of the ordinary. However, memory,
especially over thirty years, can be unreliable.
People have asked me whether I may have exaggerated
the memory to fit with my later theories, or
elaborated it over time to make it seem more
impressive. From the account written afterwards
I know that the details are reasonably accurate,
but what about my own reaction and the emotional
impact at the time?
From this point of
view my diary is interesting. I have kept a
diary every day since 1964 and have just now
(December 2000) reread the 1970 diary for the
first time for many years (probably since 1985
when I was writing The Adventures of a Parapsychologist
and reread all my diaries). Most day's entries
mention the lectures I went to, whom I had lunch
with, rehearsals, society meetings and worrying
about work. November 8th begins "I have
the most amazing thing to tell. Really the most
fantastic thing that ever happened in my life.
I went astral traveling. I was thousands of
miles away - not in my body at all." I
described the intense seance during which "we
had some very dubious contacts and got a little
scared!", how Kevin, Vicki and I then went
up to Vicki's room, and how helpful Kevin was.
I commented that I wanted to write it all down
properly as soon as I felt able (which indeed
I did). There is no doubt that the experience
affected me deeply at the time.
6. The Effect of
the Drug
Many, many people have
asked me whether the whole experience was a
drug-induced hallucination. Some have dismissed
it as "not a real OBE" because I was
smoking cannabis at the time. I have two reactions
to this, one academic and one personal.
Academically I can see no reason for dividing
OBEs into 'real' and 'drug-induced'. Many studies
show overlap between naturally occurring and
drug-induced experiences- whether mystical experiences,
religious experiences, or OBEs and NDEs. There
may be differences, but there is no clean dividing
line. Also, if one were to reject all experiences
during which people had taken drugs we would
have to reject all the shamanic practices and
ritual inductions of OBEs which are so important
in the cultures that use them.
Personally
I can say this. My diary says "We 3, Kevin,
Vicki and I went up to her room to smoke. I
don't think I really got high at all. I started
off seeing all these hallucinations. They thought
maybe I was tripping I think and after I don't
know how long I realised and Kevin realised
that I was Astral traveling. The white shining
cord was there and I went all over the world,
and out of the world." (terrible punctuation
is in the original)
This could be interpreted
in many ways, but it is interesting that I said
I did not get high - in other words this was
not an ordinary cannabis-smoking experience.
As far as I recall the starting point was like
vivid hallucinations but then Kevin asked me "Where
are you Sue?" and everything changed -
becoming absolutely clear and vivid and stable,
and not like any drug-induced experience I had
ever had.
Finally, I have had much experience
with various drugs. I must have smoked cannabis
several thousand times in my life. I have never
had such an experience before or since. I suspect
that the drug helped me to relax and maybe prevented
me from panicking and ending the experience.
Beyond that I suspect it had little relevance
- but of course we shall never know.
7. My Reaction at
the Time
At the time I assumed
that my astral body had left my physical body.
I felt wonderfully blessed to have had the experience,
and interpreted it as evidence that the mind,
or soul, or astral body can leave the physical
and travel in some other world. It also seemed
to me to be evidence for the possibility of
life after death. However, even at the time
I had some sceptical doubts. I remember thinking
that the star-shaped island with a hundred trees
was more like an idea of an island than like
a real island. This led me to develop various
theories about the nature of the astral world
(it was thought-created, consisted of 'thought
forms' and so on) but not to go so far as to
doubt the existence of the astral world altogether.
The next day I tried to check up on things
I had seen and immediately discovered that some
were wrong. For example, I had 'seen' old metal
gutters on the roofs of the college when in
the morning I realised that they were modern
white plastic ones. I had seemed to travel through
rooms above Vicki's room which were not in fact
there, and had seen chimneys which did not exist.
This led me to all sorts of sceptical questioning,
but more to elaborate my astral theories than
to abandon them. For many years I continued
to think of my experience as an astral excursion.
8. The Effect
on my Life
I do not believe I
would ever have become a parapsychologist had
I not had this experience. Yes, I was interested
in the paranormal before it happened, but parapsychology
did not become an abiding passion until this
night. Afterwards I knew that there were other
non-ordinary states of consciousness - other
ways of being - that seemed somehow more real,
more right, more direct than ordinary life.
This had two effects on me. One I wanted to
repeat the experience, and two I wanted to understand
it. As far as understanding is concerned
I assumed, initially, that I had to understand
the nature of the astral world and astral travel.
I knew that my lecturers at Oxford would not
countenance such ideas and that science in general
rejected them utterly. I assumed that only parapsychology
could help and therefore conceived an overwhelming
desire to become a parapsychologist and to prove
them all wrong. The story of how I set about
to do this, and how I ultimately changed my
mind, is told in my autobiography In Search
of the Light. In 1980 I was invited, by the
Society for Psychical Research, to write a book
about OBEs (Beyond the Body, Heineman 1982).
I learned much more about the subject and developed
my own naturalistic, rather than paranormal,
theories about the OBE.
For many years
after that I carried out further research, including
surveys and experiments, on OBEs. By then the
term 'near-death experience' had appeared in
the literature and I worked on NDEs too, talking
to many people who had experienced them. I became
convinced that nothing leaves the body - realistic,
important and life-changing as these experiences
can be.
As far as repeating the experience
is concerned, I worked very hard for many years
to induce it again and never succeeded. Over
the years I tried all of the main methods of
OBE induction. Some did not work at all for
me, such as the Christos Technique, while others
gave me some success. Using Monroe's method
of inducing vibrations I was able to have brief
OBEs but they were nothing like the experience
reported here. Many years later I practised
(and indeed still do) staying aware while falling
asleep. This can lead to one remaining aware
while entering the paralysis of REM sleep -
a form of sleep paralysis. In this state it
is possible to imagine moving or floating and
thus have an OBE. Again my OBEs induced this
way were very brief.
I have also taken
many drugs. Once or twice I have had brief OBEs
when taking LSD, but not with other hallucinogens,
amphetamine derivatives (such as ecstasy) or
ever again with cannabis. The most effective
drug, which I have only had once, was ketamine.
Ketamine is an anaesthetic, not often used for
adults because of the unpleasant hallucinations
it can cause, but sometimes used for particular
reasons with children and animals. It is also
used as a street drug but then is usually taken
orally. I was lucky enough to have a large dose
of absolutely pure ketamine, injected under
very positive and supportive conditions, with
a companion who was especially keen to find
out whether it could induce an OBE, as has often
been claimed.
Ketamine paralyses the
muscles while leaving consciousness more or
less intact. I had just the right dose to ensure
that I was completely paralysed but still aware.
This is not very pleasant. When I was sufficiently
paralysed, so that I could not even move my
eyes, I seemed to float off with no sense of
where my body was. My companion held up various
numbers of fingers out of my line of sight and
asked me to say how many I saw. I did fairly
well at this task but he did not record the
results or ensure that I had absolutely no way
of seeing them. I then decided to try to visit
my home in England and seemed to travel there
and saw people cooking in my kitchen. I recorded
what I saw, but when I asked them later I learned
that they had not been cooking there at the
time. In any case the experience was nothing
like the spontaneous OBE described here. In
particular it did not have that amazing quality
of realness and clarity.
9. Meditation
Many years later I began to realise that
it was the clarity of awareness that I wished
to find again, not the out-of-body experience
itself. I began learning meditation in about
1975, but only intermittently. In 1982 I went
on my first Zen retreat, and in 1986 I began
to practice mindfulness (being in the present
moment in daily life) and took up regular daily
meditation which I have continued to this day.
I have described some of this in In Search of
the Light and in various articles. Through this
practice I have found that the confusion of
ordinary awareness can be dropped, or let go,
and clarity is simply there. It is not something
to be sought or obtained. I no longer try to
have more OBEs.
10. Susan Blackmore
Recants Her Prior Conclusions
Susan Blackmore has recently confessed that
her prior conclusions about the probability
of psi and metaphysical consciousness existing
being close to none, were not as conclusive
as she thought and that she was NOT justified
in ruling out psi after all. Therefore, she
has taken an honest "don't know" stance
and left the issue at that. For more information
on this, visit the
Skeptical Investigations website.
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